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WRETCHED

Script By: bubbly
Other


You can treat life in many ways but what can you do when your senses are dulled and your brain is numb. Then you forget relations. You remember performance alone. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 15, 2008    Reads: 299    Comments: 48    Likes: 25   


Elaine McDermott – Socialite, wife of Harry (COO of Swan Oil & Gas)
Melanie Waterhouse – Socialite, wife of Jason (Chairman of Bates Energy)
Kane – Elaines’s only son
Tamara – Kane’s new girl friend
Richard – Elaine’s butler
Mary – Richard’s wife and Elaine’s assistant
Gallus – phone informer
Buch Lorti, Morris Young - two police officers
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City: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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***
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(Scene: Elaine’s drawing room. She is on phone with Melanie. It’s about 9 in the night. And pouring rain outside.)
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Elaine: Hello Mel. I am sorry to call you so late. But I wanted to confirm that you will be here for the party tomorrow.
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Melanie: El, that’s OK. I’ve put children to bed. And have some time. You must be pretty busy.
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Elaine: Don’t ask. I haven’t had time to myself since last week. Ever since Wafer came home last week, it has been so hectic. He has become like my child. This being the welcome party for Wafer, my pooch, I don’t wish to leave any stone unturned. Tomorrow is his big evening. All who’s who in the city has been invited.
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Melanie: I am sure of that. Your parties are the most happening thing in the city. My dress for tomorrow is a red silken gown.
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Elaine: Mel, you are the talk of every party because of your stylish clothes. People are attracted to you. I myself admire your style and grace. I have ordered a simple black strapless from Versace. Nothing when compared to yours but it did cost $ 4500. And accessories to go with it.
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Melanie: I have always admired your figure. You are pencil thin. You still look like a college girl.
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Elaine: Thanks Mel. It was so difficult to get back in shape after Kane’s birth. But I had made up my mind. Exercise, diet, vacations…you name it. I did it all. And the result is before you. Most of the time people end up calling me Kane’s elder sister instead of Harry’s wife.
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Melanie: That suits you fine. Who all are coming.
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Elaine: Hmm. The entire media will be here. The Premier and his entire cabinet would be here. Of course, all ladies from our circle. Then the Ambassadors and their wives. The fashion designers from all over the world. You know them all.
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Melanie: Sounds interesting.
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Elaine: Mrs Thomas was introducing me to Havana cigars. Those long ones. Didn’t like the taste. I am fine with my regular smokes.
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Melanie: She is into everything weird.
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Elaine: Remember that Ambassador’s wife from that godforsaken country. She had attended the golf tournament with her children. How she was fawning over her children. I thought she was wearing fake diamonds. And she wanted to go home early so her children could wake up early for school. I had a good laugh later on.
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Melanie: El that is the way of life in their culture. And I too like it that way. It keeps the entire family together. I am a daughter of a single mom and I know what it is to miss either of the parent. It takes away a lot. So, children are my first priority too.
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Elaine: Of course, dear. But how long can you molly coddle them. You have to let them grow independently after a certain age. Or their growth will lack that something normal. Look at my son Kane. I was with him throughout his growing years. He has developed into such smart young man. Top grades, top style. He’s totally my boy.
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Melanie: Yes, Kane is a fine boy. I…
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Elaine: Mel, regarding tomorrow’s party, I am taking Wafer to the new beauty parlor for his final touch up. I want it to look the best. And after party we both will be off to Mexico for the weekend. Harry too would return from US tomorrow. It will be one grand day.
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Melanie: Another fashion equation will be created tomorrow. Entire Canada will be looking at it.
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Elaine: The world will be here tomorrow. I am choosing between 50 dresses, endless Swarovskis, Chanel… My personal designer is carefully making a selection out of all these. I will wear only one dress and remaining will be auctioned for charities. That will be another event.
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Melanie: Nothing but the best for you, El. You will make a piece of rag look beautiful with your figure.
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Elaine: You always give me an honest opinion. That’s why I love hearing from you. Mel, could I call you back later again. There is an incoming call from Harry. He must be pretty anxious about tomorrow. Sure, dear. I will get back to you. Take care.
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***
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(Harry over phone with Elaine)
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Harry: El. I will be back first thing in the morning. The meetings have not ended as yet. And there is weather forecast of a tornado raging through California. They won’t advise me to fly my private jet now. Weather may be better in the morning.
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Elaine: Harry. When did you start caring about me. Stay there and complete all your works. And if there are any future meetings, attend them now itself.
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Harry: When did I ever give you a chance to complain. Even now I am in touch with the airport authorities.
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Elaine: Make sure you are here for the party, just for appearances.
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Harry: Why do you say that. I love to be by your side at all the moments. But look at the amount of work. Alberta is bursting with opportunities.
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Elaine: Like marrying me was an opportunity for you. You tricked father into it. You reversed his opinion about me. You were a damn executive in our company and now…You have wronged me.
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Harry: El, you are accusing me unfairly. I admit I have always loved you and this made me work extra hard. Your father Gerald Swan had seen the world. We made a good team.
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Elaine: And what about your team with me. You say you love me. Did you care what I wanted in life. Do I have a life of my own. It is always you, you and you. Your wants, your needs. You wanted to expand the company’s operations. You wanted children. And me?
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Harry: Isn’t that what you wanted?
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Elaine: No, damn it, no, never! You danced your way into my father’s heart. He cut my allowance and wanted to disinherit me unless I married you. And he put a clause in his will that should I later divorce you, all estate would go to charity and to you. That old-fashioned bastard! Huh!
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Harry: Show some respect for the dead man.
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Elaine: Respect! You talk of respect, a petty executive turned chairman. Sure, respect I should show – by being tied to you. I could have picked and married any one. Still men kiss my feet. There are thousands at my back and call. The world salutes me.
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Harry: I know, you make front page news. But we have a family. You have duty towards us too.
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Elaine: My duty is towards me alone. I am ELAINE – a beautiful, rich, happening woman. I am a woman first and last. Somebody called me a daughter, you found a wife in me, Kane a mother. Are you all going to describe me! I am not confined to these definitions.
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Harry: Don’t you have little trust in me. Don’t you care for me at all.
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Elaine: Do you care for me. Did you care for me when I said I didn’t want any children. I didn’t. I could have adopted 1000 children. All celebrities do that. It makes big news. But you, you will have none of it. You wanted your own child. How I hated that phase.
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Harry: We have been over this one too many times before…
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Elaine: And each time is insufficient for me. You cut me off with my father. Because of Kane, my figure was spoilt. I became shapeless. I had become obese. I couldn’t face the world. It was so difficult to get back in shape. And what physical pain I had to endure – during childbirth and later. Do you realise that. I have suffered, not you!
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Harry: I am an old-fashioned guy, El. Motherhood is every woman’s dream.
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Elaine:Goddamnit! How many times I have to repeat - not every woman wants to be one. I certainly didn’t want to be a “mother”. It has played havoc with me. It sounds good in books and on TV. Bloody stereotypes!
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Harry: I understand. But I have been with you all through that time. Weren’t you happy with Kane’s birth. You showed him to everyone. You were so happy.
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Elaine: Happy, my foot! You talk like a bloody third grade factory worker. Always remember, he is your son and your son alone. I just gave birth to him. And the media expected me to present a loving mother picture. I didn’t disappoint them. The world saw a doting mother. I was the toast of parties. Sure, Kane got me more publicity. So, I arranged for the best of nannies, the best of schools. But he clung to me. Those were such taxing times when I could have attended more events. My son Wafer will arrive tomorrow.
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Harry: When have dogs become sons? Kane is our son, our only son!
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Elaine: Gerald Swan had his way. You had your way. Kane had his way. And you all expected something from me – a role model – without knowing what I expected from you all! Wafer doesn’t expect anything from me. He is faithful. Licks my hands, my face. I feel comfortable with him around. Finally, I am going to have my way.
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Harry: For God’s sake, El. Kane adores you. He has always followed you. He is totally devoted to you.
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Elaine: And that’s what I hated. He reminded me of you. You too do the same. Both father and son are a piece. The only difference is he is on a wild trip now. Is he following you or someone else in this trait.
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Harry: Is he home now?
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Elaine: How should I know. Find out for yourself. (She disconnects the phone.)
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***
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(Harry over phone with Kane)
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Harry: Where are you right now, Kane.
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Kane: Dad. How are you. Tamara and me are on our way back from Banff. We had a wonderful time. I can never have a fill of this skiing resort.
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Harry: Is Tamara driving?
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Kane: No ways dad. She is just snorting.
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Harry: Your company is no good. You know you are not to drive. You are breaking the law.
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Kane: Dad, I have broken all the laws. This is nothing. The last law would be breaking away from this world. I am going back home to greet another brother.
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Harry: Be home. Your mother is waiting for you. What has happened to you my boy. You were so good.
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Kane: My being good was bad. Now I have become a dog. And a dog has taken my place. I won’t deny mom the pleasure of accepting her new son as my brother. I have already begun celebrations. Yippy.
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Harry: Kane, Kane… (Kane disconnects the phone.)
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***
(Kane calls Elaine)
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Kane: Mom, answer your cell, please. It always comes busy. And now it rings but she’s not answering…
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Elaine: Hello, what is it Kane. I was about to sleep. You have disturbed me. You know how tired I am. And tomorrow is another busy day.
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Kane: Mom, I am sorry. I am on my way home. Just wanted to say I have missed you as always.
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Elaine: Is that all. Do you realise I have to have a good rest. Wafer should have the best tomorrow. You will be here, right? You can talk then.
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Kane: Mom, I want to know something. We have lot of dogs, cocker spaniel, golden Labrador retriever and a host of others. Why do you need another. And such a big party!
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Elaine: Mind your language. He is not ‘another’ dog. He is Wafer, my life. Harry has business to tend to. Next week you will become independent with your 18th birthday. You will fly away. Anyways you have Tamara or whoever. I have nothing except Wafer.
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Kane: I don’t want to turn 18. Mom, I will always be there for you. Mom, I am still your three-year-old, who you took to school for the first time. How much I missed you throughout that day. I…
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Elaine: Stop it. You are no longer three. Grow up. Act your age. Spread your wings and leave me alone.
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Kane: I am trying mom. I am into everything, dope, alcohol, smokes, the works but nothing lets me forget you are avoiding me. Mom, I need you.
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Elaine: This is no time for debate. I…
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Kane: Mom. OK. You can have Wafer. You can have anyone. I will consider Wafer as my brother. But remember me. Mom, I feel unwanted in my own home.
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Elaine: Wafer is not your brother. He is my son.
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Kane: Mom. I will do anything you say. But don’t avoid me. I need you as always. I…
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Elaine: This is going too far. I will wait for the next week.
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Kane: Mom, don’t… (Elaine disconnects the phone.)
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***
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(Kane and Tamara on the highway. He is driving recklessly. Tamara encourages him to speed on.)
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Kane: Anything for you, Tims. I will do 180.
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Tamara: Gosh, this is swell. I am flying on the highway. Do 220, 250. Go higher. This new sporty is one helluva speedster.
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Kane: Tims, nothing but the best for you. You do love me, right.
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Tamara: Shut up, Kane. Put the music on. Let’s have a blast. Did you try this dope Meth. Sort of cheap but gives a new high. You won’t want to come out of it.
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Kane: Sure, anything for you Tims. (snorts, drives and hallucinates). Let me try her cell onemore time. You love me, mom?
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Tamara: Kane baby, I am not your mom. I am Tims.
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Kane: Anything for you Tims. Anything for you mom. Anything…Still mom'snumber is busy.
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Tamara: You are high now. Speed up, my boy, speed up. Let’s have the time of our life. I like to fly. This is whoosh…
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Kane: Anything for you mom. Tell me, do you care for me. I will accept that dog as my brother. If that is what you want. But don’t avoid me. Don’t… I love you mom…I…(There is loud sound of metal crashing with one another and Tamara’s last cry.)
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***
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(Servant’s quarters: Richard And Mary)
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Richard: It’s been raining cats and dogs all day. And even now it shows no signs of stopping. Mary, I don’t feel fine tonight.
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Mary: What’s wrong, dear.
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Richard: Nothing with me. It hasn’t rained like this in years. I wonder what will happen to roads, communication and power.
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Mary: Richard, at times you worry for no reason. Think that with more water, more power will be generated. And after the water subsides, all will be back to normal. Anyway, thank God, we are secure in the boundary of this house.
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Richard: I am thinking of Kane. He is back to his wild ways. Next week will be his 18th birthday and look at the company he is keeping. First he began drinking, then drugs, the smokes, now a new girl a day. He was such a sensitive boy. Now he is reckless.
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Mary: Dear, what can we do. Till he was ten, he was OK. He used to come to us occasionally. I treated him as my own son. But then Elaine never took any interest in him except displaying him as a trophy to her friends. And after everyone left, she would forget about him. She just wanted to be known as ideal mom.
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Richard: Yes, Mary. And Harry too keeps away from here. Earlier he was such a jovial man. Now, he is into business alone. There is no family. I wonder what will happen to Kane.
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Mary: God bless him. If he leaves his bad habits, he will capture everyone’s hearts. What has he seen in his entire life – nothing. Just parties and more parties. Even their Christmas is an event. There is no warmth.
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Richard: God has been very kind to us. My children are here on Easter, Good Friday, Christmas and even our birthdays. Remember, till Thomas and Melody became independent, they presented us with such lovely gifts, making those the best days of the year.
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Mary: Still my children do the same. I live only for them. What do I have in my life except them and you. I wouldn’t want to trade my life for all the riches in this world.
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Richard: Touch wood, Mary.
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(The landline phone rings.)
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Who would call at this time of the night on landline. This phone never rings. Let me see. Hello…hello…I can hardly hear you…what!...you can’t reach her…what is the matter…I will inform Madam…and…hello…hello…. The signal is weak. This is important. I will inform Madam.
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Mary: What is the matter Richard?
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Richard: I will come back and tell you. I must hurry.
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***
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(Elaine’s drawing room. She is still on phone.)
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Elaine: Mel, I cannot wait for tomorrow. I wonder how will I sleep tonight. The excitement of tomorrow takes my breath away. I… (Richard enters)
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Richard: Madam…
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Elaine: Mel, will you excuse me for a second, dear. Can I put you on hold please. Of course, dear. Yes, Richard, what is it?
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Richard: Madam, a man had called. He had earlier tried your cell number but it was busy so he called on our landline. It is about Master Kane.
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Elaine: Kane, Kane, Kane. I am sick of this boy. Not a day passes without him creating some bad news. Last week he was charged with drunken driving and his license was suspended. And still he is driving. Earlier for drugs. He’s going to bars when he is not of legal age. There is no limit for him to contain himself. I don’t want to hear anything about him. Could you look into it your self.
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Richard: Madam, the man was saying…
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Elaine: I don’t want to know what the man was saying. I said handle it your self. Don’t spoil my mood. Look at Wafer, a pleasure to be with. And this son of mine. Go away.
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Richard: Yes Madam. I am sorry to disturb you.
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(She dismisses him. Back to phone.)
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Elaine: Mel, I am sorry, dear. Oh, it was Kane calling. Yes, he is a darling. He is out with his girlfriend. He was letting me know he was having a great time. And I shouldn’t worry about him, this being such a bad night. Yes dear, now back to party. Yes, Wafer…
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***
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(Richard back to his quarters.)
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Richard: Mary, this is bad news. I had tried to inform Madam but she asked me to deal with it. The man, Gallus, who called just now is outside Edmonton. Kane has crashed his car into Gallus' car. Both the cars are wrecked. Both Kane and Tamara are unconscious. Gallus says he got the number from Kane’s cell phone and so he called. And lines are so bad that he could only give directions and then the signal went dead. He tried to call the police emergency line but that too was busy.
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Mary: Oh my God, Richard. What are we going to do.
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Richard: I will call up the police now. And I will go there myself. Wait here by the phone, in case Gallus calls again. Call me on my cell. May God give me courage…
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***
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(Next morning. Elaine’s drawing room. Richard enters.)
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Richard: Madam, two police officers are here.
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Elaine: Police! What brings them here. Has Kane done something foolish again. Oh my God. On Wafer’s D-day, this boy doesn’t let me rest in peace. Now, what has he done.
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Richard: Madam, the police officers will let you know that. I am too grieved to talk any more.
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Elaine: OK. Send them in. This is just waste of time. This boy is a pain…
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(The two police officers enter.)
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Officer 1: Good morning Mrs McDermott. I am Constable Buch Lorti and my second-in-command Constable Morris Young. How are you this morning?
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Elaine: I am doing very well. Thank you. How about yourself? What brings you both here? Look officers. I don’t have much time as I am quite busy. So hurry.
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Buch: This is about a car wreck and two bodies found in it. Yesterday night at about 8:30, the driver was driving at high speed in bad weather and rammed his car into another coming from the opposite direction. The driver of the other car is safe and is being treated in the hospital. He did contact you but your number was busy. Mr Richard reached us around 1145 to search for them.
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Elaine: Could you let me know what happened? I have other things to look into.
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Buch: Mrs McDermott, this is going to be difficult for you. We have bad news. The name given on the driver’s license is Kane McDermott. This license was suspended last week. The driver found dead in this high speed crash matches the description of your son. A girl found beside him too died instantly. Autopsy report is awaited. We would like you to identify the body so that we can proceed with the matter. It has been a long night.
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Elaine: Oh my God! Kane, my darling boy. This cannot happen to you. God can’t be this cruel. My only child…so young...what had he seen in life…
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(Buch to Richard)
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Buch: Take care of her. We will be back again. In the meanwhile, inform Mr McDermott as the body has to be identified. (They leave.)
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Richard: Madam, please keep a hold on yourself. This is a very tough time. I can hardly hold back my tears.
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Elaine: Stop it Richard. Send Mary in. (Richard leaves.) What a bad news. Kane had to die today only. Now, the party has to be cancelled. All arrangements stand ruined. This boy, even in death, spoils my day. What a time I was looking forward to. Now, what next? I must order black dresses. All invitees have to be informed. My makeup should be sober. I haven’t cried in my life. What pose should I strike. How will I create tears.
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(Mary enters.)
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Elaine: Mary. All arrangements for today stand cancelled. Inform everyone of Kane’s death. And arrange for black dresses for next few days. Ask my makeup man to be here immediately. I don’t want any bright getup. Dull, sober look should be fine. And a speech has to be prepared. When Harry is here, he can make it. Do it all, at once. (Mary leaves.)
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Elaine: (to herself) Get hold of yourself El. This is your moment. Now everyone will be watching me closely. I must look like a grieving mother. How can I achieve that look. I don’t even like that. Glycerine…cheeks puffed, lips swollen…I had seen it in that movie. How it all made me laugh. Now, I have to enact it. Hey, Liz Taylor, you have competition. I can’t let my spirits go down or else this will weigh me. Let me practice it once…Anyways, I can carry Wafer with me. At least people can have a glimpse of him.
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***
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25

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Comments:

It's kind of confusing. It would be better if you put the names in front of who was speaking. Like a real script. For example:

Bubbly: I love to write
ixluvx2xwritex2x: Me too!

It would just be more helpful. It was good, though...

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! jessy. thanx for pointing that out. when i wrote, i didn't take it from a reader's understanding. i've added the names. could u give it another read please. ;-)

I thought it was pretty well written bubbly! nice work!

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! dubl. thanx. ;-)

i appreciate ur prose writing Bubbly thats so well written. bless you

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! bela. thanx. i'm glad u liked it. ;-)

it is a lttle confusing but keep up the good work:]

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! rat. thanx. i'm glad u liked it. ;-)

Wow tht's is really good!

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! sherry. thnax. ;-)

Oh that woman is so selfish, all she cares about is herself.

It's really well written though.
Great job.
~Kaori

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

my dear kaori. this one is set in EDMONTON. some women r not compassionate like u take care of ur cousins. thanx. ;-)

I LOVED it! i love reading scripts, its like a story come to life, and you my friend created just that, Brilliantly! Bravo ma belle, very well done!
Steph:)

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! steph. i'm glad u like scripts as i'm used to reading ur poems. thanx. ;-)

I can't believe such a selfish woman...

I always loved reading scripts. Thanks a lot, bubbly. The characters are so alive especially Elaine, hate her...

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! if. thanx. it takes all sorts to make this world. ;-)

I think it's well written. I was able to follow each character's line. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful script.

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! vee. thanx. it makes my day that you found the script easy to read. ;-)

Punishment
(not registered user)

This is really good bubbly! I liked it very much!^^

Keep writing.^^

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! punishment. thanx. ;-)

This is a great effort, Bubbly. I don't know much about script writing, but I appreciate the way your words seem to dance on the screen.

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! alquimista. thanx for reading it and thanx again for writing such a lovely comment. ;-)

jimmyx
(not registered user)

why is this on the front page?

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! invisible nameless. u r asking the wrong person. ;-)

Hi Bubbly!
The Prose you wrote has got nice harmony.... throughout story it keeps bind the reader....
About the cheractor: Elaine has said good thing once; she says:
Elaine: Of course, dear. But how long can you molly coddle them. You have to let them grow independently after a certain age. Or their growth will lack that something normal.
But she must have done some mistake in bringing forth to her child otherwise he would't have become HABITUAL of drugs.
She is acting with the son as if he is not his son...because when he got died ..she said now her all arrangements has gone waisted..she descibes them...and she says she would use black clothes...she explains all the sadness as if all sad is just a superficial event...otherwise what generally happens when some closest dies the close lefts talking about all secondary things...just a different state one goes in...
Richard is bit sincere person.He does things intelligentally.
One suggestion is that you may continue this and finishing with a novel.
Thanks!

Posted: May 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! dinesh. ur comment indicates an observant mind. i guess the bond between the mother-son was b roken that he fell into bad habits. she even considers a dog to be her child and forgets her own. she's so impersonal and as u write 'superficial'.

ur observation is analytical and it is very essential for evaluating a work. thanx. ;-)

Hi Bubbly,
the script in my opinion still needs a little work. Some of the dialogue especially between Elaine and Melanie is uneccesarilly long. You also need to include one liners, the beauty of a script is wicked one liners. High society women my Dear, are way more selfish than you have portreyed them, believe me. You should have included alot more talk of clothes and Diamond necklaces etc. As for tucking the kids in at night and then having the time to talk, well for a woman who thinks a dogs birthday party is a social event children dont hold much importance. One last thing Bubbly, plz dont think me rude but there are several grammatical errors throughout this script, you have to iron them out. I wish i could have done it for you but comments are all we are allowed to give lol.

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! azmat. thanx. this is an invaluable observation and constructive criticism.

1. u know, my main idea was to write about single moms and children. and that's what mel is. motherhood is great but a single mom can've a helluva time financially and socially raising her kids. here mel was raised by a single mom but she's married to a rich man so she doesn't face other problems. but she's a caring mother in the light of her own experience

2. u r right about one-liners. i'll try to've them. yes, socialites'll discuss riches and not children but that'd deviate me from stressing on where she went wrong with ehr own child. a dog replace kane in her affections.

3. regarding editing, its worse. i've loaded this page 6 times from word format. but it comes out in various forms (sometimes words r merged, sometimes highlighted words are not highlighted.) so i gave up.

u've taken so much time to write constructively that i'll make corrections. and feel free to point out the grammatical errors. so that it becomes easier for other readers.

azmat, thanx. now, a writer-reader relationship has been established. ;-)

Holy cow, I just realized that this was set in Edmonton!! YAY my home town!!!!. . . . Anywho, still a great script.
~Kaori

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

my dear kaori. i like anything u like. yo! ;-)

Hi Bubbly. Thank goodness it was fiction. Elaine was a very unlikeable character, very selfish and cold. I think you made a great villian for your script. Nice job!

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! lacey. thanx. i share ur views. she makes a great vamp.
;-)

Hi Bubbly,

I think this is very well written, overall. It's a bit of a caricature, I think...by that I mean I think there are probably a lot of "socialites" that fit this mold pretty well, but I think it is the exception rather than the norm, at least in my experiences with some of these people. But you've really matched the stereotype of wives of extremely wealthy men; self-centered party-goers with a closet full of clothes they've probably never worn more than once.

In the story, we never hear the husbands mentioned at all, so I think their exact occupation is irrelevant. These could have been aristocrats, hollywood movie stars, etc.

Nicely done, and it could be expanded quite a bit I think. Maybe develop the backgrounds a bit more for Richard and Mary. Maybe bring the husbands into the picture and see how their personalities contrast with their spouse's. Maybe even introduce Kane, reveal some of the conflict he experiences; i.e. the innocent child thrust into the world of extreme wealth...does he behave differently around Richard and Mary than he does his mother? What kind of life does his girlfriend lead? Is she just another socialite spawn or is she just a common girl with a wild side?

Just food for thought...but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

-John

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! jobie. seems like i'm catering to the exception - the caricatures. i've added harry as u pointed out his absence, i've also added kane. but i couldn't add jason or the 'protagonist' wafer. i've also added the backgrounds (all 'coz of ur wonderful inputs). i don't know what more to do with richard and mary.

i don't know whether i've done justice to ur vision but i've tried. hope u like the added one. more inputs are needed from u.

also i'd like ur opinion on the title, elaine's character (is she evil or just self-willed strong woman) and the ending - is it ok. ;-)

corujuca
(not registered user)

good enough for me

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! thanx. i'm glad u liked it. ;-)

Much better! YAY!

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! jessy. ur observation made me correct the mistake. thanx. ;-)

very very awesome! I really like it a lot!!!

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! la. thanx. i'm so glad u r on my page. ;-)

I love it. It's so cool how Elaine looks so perfect, but everything can't get any worse. Very entertaining, though. I couldn't stop reading.

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! cathy. thanx for liking elaine. she has been thrashed enough. ;-)

I like it. its just a constant reminder that money,and power truly cannot buy happiness.

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! scyfi. u r so right. money can buy a bed but not sleep. money can buy food but not hunger. thanx for an invaluable observation. ;-)

can't imagine a mother to be like this....

liked this one...this is very well drafted

Posted: May 16, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! pratibha. thanx. if all mothers were like u, this world'd be heaven on earth. ;-)

Woah. I love this!

I hate that woman, all she cares about is her party than her own son...

U r totally good in writing scripts...
I love it(I want to say it a thousand times)....n_n

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! orange. thanx for hating her. love u. ;-)

-
Elaine: (to herself) Get hold of yourself El. This is your moment. Now everyone will be watching me closely. I must look like a grieving mother. How can I achieve that look. I don’t even like that. Glycerine…cheeks puffed, lips swollen…I had seen it in that movie. How it all made me laugh. Now, I have to enact it. Hey, Liz Taylor, you have competition. I can’t let my spirits go down or else this will weigh me. Let me practice it once…Anyways, I can carry Wafer with me. At least people can have a glimpse of him.

..Elaine's character stands out because she was so evil. I think it only shows real life tragedy's of high class lives where you were just showing people what they only wanted to see. And I like the sequence of script because readers can trace up what kind of woman she wanted to be and how it turns out to be the opposite. The pressures around her and I think because she never let anyone to love and understand her even if she badly needed it!!Welll whahahaha that jsut my opion!:> Well done bubbly!

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! honey. u've hit the nail on the head, 'Elaine's character stands out because she was so evil.' but look at her tragedy. she didn't get what she expected from life.

honey, ur analysis is indeed very helpful for me to understand elaine. ;-)

I have read many comments on the woman. I believe I do not have the right to question your ideas. They are your own. What could be negotiated is your way of presenting these ideas. My first reading is very promising. Looks like a nice play is in the making. I just do not feel comfortable with the very educated idioms that are not likely to appear in a daily exchange, e.g., "stone unturned", "who's who". I also feel some of the turns are uninvited, e.g. the woman talking about her dress for tomorrow, unexpected and unasked. I suggest you review your piece with a single purpose: making sure all turns are warranted, invited, asked, expected, so that they sound relevant.

I will get back to this piece with more comments. But very well-done Bubbly. Way to go!

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! kaatib. if u won't question, i won't be able to improve or add to the script. so please go ahead. i've already added some of ur suggestions as i was unaware of it.

its good that u pointed it all out. my vision needs to expand and thanx for the same. please feel free to point out anything lacking. for that's what is needed here.

what i'm looking for is the title, elaine's characterisation and the ending.

please add to it. thanx. ;-)

Great work man, you captured a lot in this short scripted piece. What a selfish bitch, you really pulled it off well. 21 thumbs up.

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

.

Hey Bubbly

As a single mum, it is hard to imagine someone as callous and cold as Elaine. To see an opportunity out of her son's death is horrible. The first phone conversation, I found my mind wandering, but the dialogue soon dragged me back. It is sad that someone who seems to have it all, really does not have any ides what is important.

Bravo - Well Done!!

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! kezacoop. elaine is cold blooded as she feels no one cared for what she actually wanted. she wanted the world to come to her, in her way. thanx for liking it. ;-)

Nice work Bubbly. I really enjoyed the dialog and I actually felt the characters come to life a bit. I have a a questions though. What medium are you intending with this script; a play, TV, movie, short film, etcetera, or just anything? I would also add more instruction to the script. That's how I write scripts at least. I usually have a vision of what I want created and thus direct the tone of voice of the character and their general actions and movements (as well as what the camera is focusing on if it's that sort of work). All in all though, I enjoyed it and I think you did a very good job.

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! steve. ur input is invaluable. i was waiting for it. u tell me which medium should this follow. i'll add ur suggestions to it.

i'd like to read a script of urs to get the feel for a good script.

it makes me happy no end that u enjoyed it.

please do let me know about the title, elaine's characterisation and the ending. ;-)

I think it's a great script. Good job!

Posted: May 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! fp. thanx for liking it. ;-)

Perfect title. Good start. Streamline the dialogue and keep in mind that most people use contractions—can’t, don’t, won’t. Be sure to put in the missing question marks.

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! james. thanx for these invaluable suggestions. i'm adding them as they come in. this is what will make the script develop into a work of substance. please let me know about the title, elaine's characterisation and the ending. ;-)

great job!!! loved it!

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! beth. thanx for liking it. ;-)

I did read it, but I cannot seem to get into reading scripts. For me personally, it doesn't has as much depth. I do much better with poetry or short stories. You did ask me to comment on it. One thing I can say is while the characters are speaking, what else are they doing? Is Elaine playing with her hair? Or is she pacing around? Sitting crossing and uncrossing her legs? For me, it's about being visual.
MA

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! amber. thanx for ur views. as this is just a script, i'll add ur valuable inputs. i'm planning to develop it into a novel. this is just a dialog stage but it'll sound better with ur observations. a keen reader always points out no matter what s/he reads. ;-)

Very Interesting script. I was really able to follow it. The mother was so self centered, you could almost hate her. You really did a good job on this. Bravo. Great Job

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! mikey. i'm glad u liked it. thanx. ;-)

That woman was so cold! One criticism....i think having the husbands jobs mentioned was kinda out of place since they ddin't have a part in the script...kinda out of the loop....but otherweise very well written!

Posted: May 18, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! jamale. thanx for this point out. i'm incorporating all suggestions as they add to the body of work and hopefully this script will turn to a novel thanx again. ;-)

This was well written and i really enjoyed reading it. She even had ill feelings towards her son after his death. She is truly a cold hearted individual, and I thought the mother in the movie "Flowers in the Attic" was heartless.

Posted: May 19, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! quiche. now that u mention, i'd want to see 'flowers in the attic'. i thought elaine was remorseless. i don't like cold-blooded, emotionless individuals. i guess, no one does. ;-)

Hey bubbly. I would have to say that this script has the feeling of a play to it, but it could probably be adapted to a short film or something along that line. The title I think speaks very well to the whole situation these characters are in, but especially for Elaine. The ending is also superb and really sums up Elaine's whole sad existence.

Posted: May 19, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! steve. thanx for giving direction to my thoughts. as u say, it should be developed as a play. ;-)

I like the story a lot. That Elaine is such a b--ch. Will it be continued?

Posted: May 21, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! susan. thanx. i agree with u totally. as of now, i'm improvising this script with the suggestions. later, i'll get to a tv adaptation. ;-)

Intriguing. I really enjoy the character Elaine, but I've always had a fascination with the social elite and their high octane, selfish operas. The transitions were smooth, and I thought the plot was lovely. Overall, a fun read.

Posted: May 21, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! michael. i was waiting for ur opinion. i must say i'm relieved u liked it. thanx a lot. ;-)

I liked Elaine's character. Definitely a strong enough presence to carry a story all on her own, and she's a real wench to boot, which makes her interesting to read about (one of those love-hate things...you gotta love her cos she's so....GAAAAAH, but for all the same reasons, you despise her....good work! :)

-Chris

Posted: May 22, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! chris. thanx. i agree with u entirely, elaine is the centre point. u may like her, u may hate her, but u can't ignore her. ;-)

what inspired you to write this? i loved the ending, it was funny as hell! and that self-centered little bitch! (oops excuse my language)...
i loved it. i had no problem reading it. i was a had a little problem though imagining Kane as a bad boy; he seems so good to me.:)
anywho. great job and i have to pass this story to my friends... hope they laugh too at the end.
all the best alex...

Posted: May 22, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! lexie. thanx. i'm glad u liked wretched. even i don't think kane was not a bad boy but neglect turned him take recourse to all things bad. ;-)

Nice job, there! That woman is so annoying. :/ You did a god job making her character so hatanle! Haha :P

Posted: May 23, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! ms. thanx for liking the script and disliking elaine. ;-)

Opps, I meant horrible. I don't know how hte hack it turned into hatanle! x_x My bad

Posted: May 23, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! ms. that's ok. ;-)

no problemo x i love all of ur stuff x

Posted: Jun 9, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! beth. thanx for a lovely comment. ;-)

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Good jub.

Posted: Jun 19, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! so. thanx for enjoying my work. lol. ;-)

Shame on Elaine. I really enjoyed this. You're a great writer. Hope you check out my writing and maybe spare some tips?

Happy Writing. =3

Posted: Jul 17, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! m. thanx for liking wretched. lol. ;-)

That was good, kinda sad but still...One thing (I'm not sure if this is normal in scripts i don't read them much)
there is no emotion just Hi.How are you.Where is should be Hi! How are you? Once again I'm not sure weather it's normal or not.

Posted: Jul 28, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! ewokey. thanx. i'm glad u pointed this out. well, this is a script. as yet, i've not developed it into a play. lol. ;-)

this is a really good peice of work. i relate to it a lot, but with others it may be difficult because each character has the same way of speaking, which isnt how real society is, everone has different ways of vocalizing. this peice has an amzaing structure and story line though. just work on making the characters more believeable, and their lines differantciate. love this your an amzing writer. granted i am 15 and am not one to judge however i beleive i am a well spoken teen and understand the truth about the structure of writing. Ending with that note this is my opinion on this script...

Posted: Nov 20, 2008

Author Comment:

hi! jenna. thanx. i value ur opinion for each reader brings an understanding of their own and that is the individuality that i admire. u r a thinking person and could mke this observation. u r right, each character speaks the same way for each one is thinking along the same way. but yeah, there has to e a distinctive tone for each. and i shall work on it in my next piece. thanx for suggesting it. i appreciate it very much. lol. ;-)



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